Funnies
N@ina*..(*_*)..*N@ina
A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him.
But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, “I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you.”"I would have bought a cup of tea”, replied the beggar.The man said, “Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea”. He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.The beggar told, “I don’t smoke as it is injurious to health.”The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, “Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good”.The beggar refused by saying, “Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver”.The man smiled again. He told the beggar, “I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone”.As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, “Sorry sir, I can’t come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit.”Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar’s face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, “Why do you want me to go to your house with you”.The man replied, “My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like.”
Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives………….He loved the 4th wife the most and adored her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best………….He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another. ………He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her, and she would help him get through the difficult times. ………The King’s 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her! …One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life and wondered, I now have four wives with me, but when I die, I’ll be all alone.’ ,Thus, he asked the 4th wife , ‘I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?’ , ‘No way!’, replied the 4th wife, and she walked away without another word. , Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart., The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, ‘I loved you all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?’ , ‘No!’, replied the 3rd wife. ‘Life is too good! When you die, I’m going to remarry!’ ,His heart sank and turned cold., He then asked the 2nd wife, ‘I have always turned to you for help and you’ve always been there for me. ,When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?’ ‘I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time!’, replied the 2nd wife. ‘At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.’ ,Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King was devastated.,Then a voice called out: ‘I’ll go with you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go.’ ,The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and neglect. Greatly grieved, the King said, ‘I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!’ ……..In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives:………Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it will leave us when we die. …….Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth.When we die, it will all go to others. …..Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave. ……….And our 1st wife is our Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world. ………..However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us where e ver we go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of us that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us throughout Eternity. Thought for the day: ::Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you’re in the perfect position to pray .. –Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect. It means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.
woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the
store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. …. You may choose any man from a
particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot
go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a
husband…
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and
love kids.
*********
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love
kids, and are
extremely good looking.
” Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep
going.
*********
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love
kids, are drop- dead
good looking and help with the housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand
it!”
*********
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love
kids, are drop- dead
gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads
*********
Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store, Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day.
Grass Hopper dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
Modern Version
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
Geo TV, BBC, ARY, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Asma Jahangir stages a demonstration in front of the Ant’s house.
Imran Khan goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.
Amnesty International and Chief Justice Iftikhar criticizes the Pakistan Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Islamic parties call for “Hartal” in Frontier and Baluchistan demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
MQM Coalition in Sindh immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers.
Sheikh Rasheed allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Pakistan Railway Trains, aptly named as the ‘Grasshopper Shalimar’.
Finally, the President drafts an ordinance ‘ Anti State Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act’ [ASTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter. Mobilizes state agencies.
Punjab Govt. makes ‘ Special Reservation ‘ for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with ASTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it’s home is confiscated by the NAB and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by PTV.
Nawaz Sharief calls it ‘ A Triumph of Justice ‘.
Benazir calls it ‘ Democratic Justice ‘.
MQM calls it the ‘ Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden’
Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz invites the Grasshopper to address the National Assembly.
Many years later…
The Ants have since migrated to the US , Canada , UK and Middle East, have worked harder then they did before set up a multi-million dollar business.
1000s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in Pakistan …
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, Pakistan is still a developing country !!!
Yes, being over 50
does have its advantages…
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
10. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with the elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
21. You can’t remember who sent you this.
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
10. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with the elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
21. You can’t remember who sent you this.
*****
Horror Story
If you are in Karachi, do go through this story COZ, its a real one.
If you know some one living in Karachi let them know this.
Read this true Story… and let everybody you know in and around Karachi.Especially M.A. Jinnah Road ……..My friend lives in Gulshan-e-Iqbal … One day he went to M.A.Jinnah
Road to visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a
Wedding in Lahore. One evening he and some other of my college
friends went to Cinema for a movie.He had so much fun that he forgot that it’s very late. He caught the
last local bus to M.A. Jinnah Road ….. He reached M.A. Jinnah Road
around midnight…. ..He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home….As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very
creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an
old Creepy looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing
to see a thing likes that…..
It got the shivers on him when he noticed that his old guy is
unusually pale and staring at him…
The old guy said “Son why don’t you get a book…it would keep you
company”.
Then he did something which he would regret for the rest of his
life…….. .
My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his
Collections. .. My friend’s hair started to rise up as he noticed that
all the books were related to supernatural activities.. .but he found
one that was very interesting.
So he asked the old man “how much is it, uncle?”…. The old guy
replied, “Well son…this is an interesting book…it’s only for Rs
250. My friend was shocked and said “but…but… it’s expensive”
This time the old man stared which freaked my friend. My friend
quickly checked all his pockets & found Rs. 200 & said “This is all I
have.” The old guy replied “It’s OK son …..you can have the book for
that price”
As ! my friend was just about to run for home…the old man called
back & said “Son … whatever happen, you don’t ever flip the book to
it’s last page… remember these words or you would regret…!!! !!”
My friend nodded and never looked back … Reaching home…he quickly
asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby? The
Uncle replied “not that I know of but …we’ve heard that there’s 1
old man comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that
there Is something creepy about it…why son?”
My friend freaked out… he told his uncle”nothing uncle…just
asking”. started reading the book with the old man’s words on his
mind.. At night, 12 0′clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew
Which chilled him up to his bones. At that glimpse, he noticed the
wind had blown the pages to its last page. He remembered what the old
man has said! But we humans tend to have the tendency to know. Out of
curiosity, he flipped to the last page & fainted…
What he saw at the last page is stated below:
Don’t look further down if you have a weak heart warn you…
Original price:– Rs. 20/-
Promotion price:– Rs. 10/-
Yes, being over 50
does have its advantages…
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
10. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with the elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
21. You can’t remember who sent you this.
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
10. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with the elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
21. You can’t remember who sent you this.
*****
Horror Story
If you are in Karachi, do go through this story COZ, its a real one.
If you know some one living in Karachi let them know this.
Read this true Story… and let everybody you know in and around Karachi.Especially M.A. Jinnah Road ……..My friend lives in Gulshan-e-Iqbal … One day he went to M.A.Jinnah
Road to visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a
Wedding in Lahore. One evening he and some other of my college
friends went to Cinema for a movie.He had so much fun that he forgot that it’s very late. He caught the
last local bus to M.A. Jinnah Road ….. He reached M.A. Jinnah Road
around midnight…. ..He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home….As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very
creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an
old Creepy looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing
to see a thing likes that…..
It got the shivers on him when he noticed that his old guy is
unusually pale and staring at him…
The old guy said “Son why don’t you get a book…it would keep you
company”.
Then he did something which he would regret for the rest of his
life…….. .
My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his
Collections. .. My friend’s hair started to rise up as he noticed that
all the books were related to supernatural activities.. .but he found
one that was very interesting.
So he asked the old man “how much is it, uncle?”…. The old guy
replied, “Well son…this is an interesting book…it’s only for Rs
250. My friend was shocked and said “but…but… it’s expensive”
This time the old man stared which freaked my friend. My friend
quickly checked all his pockets & found Rs. 200 & said “This is all I
have.” The old guy replied “It’s OK son …..you can have the book for
that price”
As ! my friend was just about to run for home…the old man called
back & said “Son … whatever happen, you don’t ever flip the book to
it’s last page… remember these words or you would regret…!!! !!”
My friend nodded and never looked back … Reaching home…he quickly
asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby? The
Uncle replied “not that I know of but …we’ve heard that there’s 1
old man comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that
there Is something creepy about it…why son?”
My friend freaked out… he told his uncle”nothing uncle…just
asking”. started reading the book with the old man’s words on his
mind.. At night, 12 0′clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew
Which chilled him up to his bones. At that glimpse, he noticed the
wind had blown the pages to its last page. He remembered what the old
man has said! But we humans tend to have the tendency to know. Out of
curiosity, he flipped to the last page & fainted…
What he saw at the last page is stated below:
Don’t look further down if you have a weak heart warn you…
Original price:– Rs. 20/-
Promotion price:– Rs. 10/-
humm its a nice web I assume you are too
so good luck
and keep smiling
Thank you, your guess is as good as mine
nice collection
AOA;
You have a nice and panatastic collection. what a beautiul and complete site
lush hai